• 11:46 I wish it was as easy for me to hurt people as it is for them to hurt me. #
• 14:11 Its been a long time since i have felt this alone. #
• 14:17 The problem is obviously that i dont treat people bad enough, the assholes get all the devotion. #
• 15:45 Dont worry michael, im ok. #
• 17:46 If i eave you it doesn't mean i loved you any less. #
• 20:37 If i leave you it doesn't mean i loved you any less. #

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<3 Oh, dear. I was running around with my cordless drill tearing up my kitchen and banging together a reasonably sturdy makeshift counter so my Mom has something to make sandwiches on while we're gone, and completely forgot what day it is. (All right, it's a long story. Just accept that I was distracted.) So, yes, Phil and I will be at Windycon this weekend. I am really looking forward to it. Also, We now have SQUEEZY CASTLE WULFENBACH AIRSHIPS in stock!

• 18:23 twitgoo.com/51ic2 Loving Crazyfire's sushi. Dawn's recomendation quite worth while! #

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• 07:00 bawled on the phone last night to the student loan helpcenter guy when I got the letter saying they raised how much I should be sending in. #
• 07:01 @neilhimself Woo! Happiest of birthdays to you. May this year be even more spectacular than the last. #
• 12:54 @boesch Oh my gosh, what a hard question! I love children's books so much. www.goodreads.com/user/show/282350 Goodreads has some. :) #
• 13:05 Son now has official asperger's diagnosis from specialists at the school. :/ #
• 16:26 @Lasairfiona I got them to give me a forebearance for now, sending deferrment paperwork and will possibly get hardship consideration later. #
• 16:27 @Lasairfiona I still don't know if I agree with them on the asperger's. I'm still thinking he's more PDD-NOS. But if it helps the school... #
• 16:28 Have been so distracted today. I just now realized after 4 trips to the bathroom that my underwear has been inside out all day long. #

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Tip o' the hipster hat to the ever-woofy clintswan for cluing me in to Dan's amazingly clear explanation.

thought ,  I would throw some fur to you all

HERE YOU GO...   TIMEBEARUK.......   

A few years ago, a switch in my brain flipped, and I decided I was just done with mucks. I could still see the appeal but I just wasn't interested any more. Which was kind of bad because, well, my boyfriends do still like to muck, and like to have thoroughly impossible fantasy sex via that medium, and the disinterest in mucking pretty much corresponded with starting to live with them and have the relationship actually work out.

A couple of weeks ago, that switch flipped back. I'm still getting all the cuddles and love I need, but I want more - I want impossibility. And I want it a lot more impossible than I ever dared to want it in the old days. So I reappeared on Furry, and on Taps. Ended up spending more time on Taps because, well, it's a lot crazier nowadays.

And today, finally, after a week or two of abortive scheduling attempts, I finally scened with one of my boyfriends. All I can say is... wow. Because one of the things I'm always seeking is an emotional connection with the other person; that's one of the elements that has to be there for a great scene rather than a merely good one. And knowing unequivocally going in that, yes, the person on the other side of the screen loves me enough to sleep with me on a regular basis. tolerate all my foibles, and occasionally say with no prompting just how much better their life is for having me in it... that means that element is a given, there's no chance of me just reading a little too much into the text, and all that I have to worry about is making it beautiful, impossible, and erotic.

And, in this case, dealing with three other people who got sucked into the scene. Yow.

Blue bubbles float up from Kalinda's head and her yoni, swirling and popping with something like giggles...

I'm having some trouble with increases. I'm making a scarf that will be wider in the middle than at the ends. It's in 2x2 ribbing, and I want to make the ribbing wider for the wider bit. Problem is, every kind of increase I try leaves a hole underneath. :( I've tried m1-r, m1-l, bar increase/Kfb (doesn't leave a gap but I *hate* that little bar), a modified kfb that goes back into the stitch and slips it purlwise. I've tried purl increases, which seem slightly better, but still with the hole. The gauge is fairly loose (Drops Merino (dk) on US 5 needles), but not so loose that a gap like what's happening won't bug the hell out of me every time I see it.

Is there a trick to increasing on ribbing that I'm not getting, a magic increase that won't leave a hole (some of the ones I've tried normally don't, which is why I'm stumped)? Or will I just have to deal with either the bar or the holes? Any advice/opinion/commentary would be appreciated. :)

It's 2 AM and I'm writing a post about something largely inconsequential. Why, you might ask? Good question! The answer is simple: I need to get more organised, and putting off things is one of the worst crimes I commit. And since I've been meaning to write about this since Monday, and it just occurred to me that I haven't... here goes. (*)

Anyhow. Rambling bad. To the point.

As you might know, I took up Judo in addition to Aikido, if only to expand my horizons and see something new. Part of training is free sparring - called "randori". For now, we're only doing ground fighting, and only 2-4 rounds, each one minute long, per training. The idea is to grab the opponent into one of the four basic holds for Judo before he does that to us.

I'll admit to feeling rather proud of myself. I seem to be picking up pretty fast, and the holds seem to come naturally to me when I get an opportunity to apply them. Sure, they are intuitive and logical, but they're still something new, so I do think it's something of an accomplishment.

I don't win most of randori yet, but that's mostly because I try to pick opponents that are big, tough and experienced. As a matter of fact - against noobs, I do very well. It's almost always the same - a quick, confident attack, takedown, and it's all over within 10-15 seconds, tops. I assume it is my Aikido background that makes me pick things up faster. Against more experienced opponents, I usually lose or - at best - there's a tie, but it takes them much longer to take me down and immobilize me. So, yay me.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about: I noticed an interesting thing during Monday training. I was paired against two guys who not only have no experience, but haven't been going to training for the past two weeks or so (and me, I've been going twice a week - with most people going only once a week, to the group they registered to, and training only to get their PE classes dealt with). I won with both of them (**), which is neither very surprising nor a big dishonour for them - they don't know the holds, and they do not seem to be in top physical condition, and besides, we're there to learn, not to start winning right away. So, it's perfectly OK that I proved, for the time being, a bit better than them. That's not a problem.

And yet, I do have a problem with what they did. A big one. Why, you ask? It was all about atttitude. Each of them acted the exact same way after the first defeat (***) - they were completely passive, motionless, confused-looking. Wanting them to learn a little bit and not just for me to win right away, I encouraged them to make the first attack - to which they - again, both - responded "how?". In what amounts to pretty chaotic wrestling between two people who don't know what they are doing, this seemed like a pretty silly question. I patiently responded, though, saying "however you want". And they attacked...

...and here's where the shocking conclusion comes. They didn't attack me right. No, I don't mean the technique or lack thereof, or that they were slow or clumsy or whatever. Heck, I'm probably incredibly clumsy compared to what an experienced Judoka is or even to what I could be in a couple of months/years. No, it ran deeper than sloppy attacks. It was in their heads. Their motions, their very eyes practically screamed "I'm gonna lose". They didn't merely attack without conviction - that happens to the best of us. They attacked *knowing* they would lose, expecting it. I don't wanna get metaphysical, but the defeat was so strongly within them already that I would have not lost even if I didn't move a single muscle. They had, in essence, already defeated themselves.

In all honesty, I was shocked by how much it *shows*. As I said - it's in their eyes, it's in their movements. Everyone knows that a defeatist attitude never helps, that you should be proactive and optimistic and crap. But it came as a stunning realisation how MUCH this is true. In martial arts - and I'm pretty darn sure it's equally true in every other area of life. Turns out it took a sparring with that kind of person for me to realise the impact attitude has on one's actions.

I guess it gives me a new level of understanding as to why certain martial arts developed to be so deeply philosophical and attention/attitude/intent focused. The body might not be secondary to the mind, but a well-fighting body does little good for a badly-fighting mind.

Thought I'd share this realisation with y'all.

EDIT: also, it's been Independence Day for two and a half hours now. Independence Day in Poland coincides, for obvious reasons, with Armistice Day in Europe (and with Veteran's Day in the US, which I assume commemorates the same occasion).


(*) And I mean to update LJ more often, as I've said a couple of times.
(**) Twice per round with each of them, actually. Normally, we are supposed to maintain the hold until the end of randori, but when the sensei saw how quickly it was over, he said we should start over within the same minute.
(***) And I assume they didn't act this way BEFORE the first defeat because, well, they didn't have time to do much at all before I won.

I should probably get around to announcing this ... A few weeks ago I finally joined the twenty-first century on Twitter.

One account, coonerArt, is strictly for art and convention announcements. It will be most active while I'm attending conventions, as I send updates on stuff going on at my table, where and when I'm hanging out, availability of sketches and other stuff, and so on ... so if you want, you can follow me during the length of a con you'll be at. However, outside of cons, I'll also send the occasional tweet when i make announcements for specialty badges or special commissions opening up, and stuff like that.
If you'd like to follow coonerArt: http://twitter.com/coonerArt

I'll be at Midwest Furfest next week, so if you'll be there with a Twitter client, now's a good time to follow.


My other account, WTFcooner, is my personal account that I use mostly to keep tabs on the local crowd and stuff. I'm not sure if you'd really want to follow my random tweets and half-baked conversations, but if you want to, you're welcome to. :) http://twitter.com/WTFcooner

And that's all I have to say about that!
Similar Twitter information on my web site

2 beautiful girls today, i'm a lucky guy